Dissociative Identity Disorder

11/02/25

Dissociative Identity Disorder, an overview & our experiences - The Crystal Website

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a medically recognized mental disorder,

characterized by "Two or more distinct personality states".
it causes someone to dissociate so much to the point they develop into multiple 'identities' often referred to as "Alters".
often with their own independent memories, sense of self, sense of agency, etc, which cannot be accessed by other alters.

The way this works is each "alter" kind of 'takes turns' being in control at any given time.
the act of being in control of your body is called "fronting" and changing between certain alters in front,
is called a "switch"

It is typically caused by repeated traumatic experiences during early childhood and such;
and usually develops to protect oneself from said traumatic past;

this is a condition we live with on a daily basis, and were diagnosed with in 2024, (though was suspecting since circa 2023)

This is a relatively covert and somewhat hidden thing, it is often very hidden and non-obvious, even when your the one who has it;
however the way it is covert is more of a "hidden in plain sight" thing, where what it does, might be noticed,
but will often be interpreted as something else. "just forgetful", "in a different mood", "seeming a bit out of it", etc.

usually, but typically-but-not-always each alter has a "role" though the name is misleading; its more akin to a "description" or a "job"
i.e can change, can kinda blend between multiple of these at once, and so on, don't get too worked up about it

these are not set in stone and can change over time, they can fall more into one or the other category and so on-
i am only going to talk about ones i have some personal experience with here, you can find more information elsewhere if your curious;

Roles:

Protector
Alters who try to 'look out for' or otherwise 'keep' the system safe, this can be as a passive thing and a more active thing too.
typically the ones who cause the most issues this can take many forms, such as avoidance, confrontation & restoration
- Example: if a social event becomes "too much" or is otherwise becoming too overwhelming; or maybe something has kind of 'gone wrong',
  they may take front and leave early, or otherwise try get away from this situation
Persecutor
This is the one the media and public perception generally gets completely wrong, and tries to make out as like "secret serial killer in the system"
kind of trope seen in movies such as "Split" and "Moon Knight" .. or whatever;

but actually- unlike "legal" persecutors who actually do spend all their time abducting and/or murdering people ( & generally causing harm.)
(which are also praised and depicted in a positive light for doing that, for some reason)

DID persecutors are much more chill in comparison- they aren't about "punishing others" for whatever the heck happened rather;
its about self-persecution and self-blame, you'll most likely be completely fine around them;

it's constantly telling yourself "if i just did this thing differently, then this wouldn't have happened"
so in a way, their actually secretly protectors in the same sense that a protector might try avoiding or fighting abuse
a persecutor also tries to "avoid it", just in a fucky 'comply with everything they demand and we'll be okay' kinda way-
- Example 1: if the environment you were confined to for most of your life was heavily transphobic --and you were trans;
  you might get a persecutor alter who tries to suppress your gender and pretend to be cisgender,
  and fronts whenever you experience dysphoria.
- Example 2: speaking out about what is bothering you or how you are feeling, never improves anything,
  and is just used to cause you further harm, as a result a persecutor might form to push down all of that,
  and who maybe fronts whenever your put into an uncomfortable situation-
Caretaker
TBD: (Dont know alot about this, they 'take care' of littles, but as i am not a little nor a caretaker;
i cannot give any examples of what this looks like, maybe can get Sylicia to write something here sometime.)
Little
TBD: (Dont know alot about this, they are more 'childlike' alters, but as i am not a little
i cannot give any examples of what this looks like, maybe can get Zy or E to write something here sometime.)
Host
Technically identified as just being 'the one who fronts the most', but in practice they generally handle everyday tasks;
and managing day-to-day life, and most of what happened is kept or hidden from them,
so they can live as if nothing is wrong; and typically being 'left in the dark' on thing;

as well as 'roles' systems might also have various triggers that can cause them to switch;
for either negative or positive reasons-

positive trigger can be all sorts of things, its basically things that tend to bring a certain alter to front-
but that are not really negative in any way to engage with nor in how they make you feel
a common example might be listening to some particular music or engagining in some activity,
that another alter likes

negative trigger are generally things that tend to bring a certain alter to front-
but usually for negative or bad reasons, usually leaving you feeling kind of worried or-
leaving you with a sense of feeling unsafe or otherwise being in danger;

a common example might be like people yelling pr arguing with eachother in a kinda very heated way,
this may cause someone to switch to someone else;

its not just about switching and alters though, as the name suggests, given "dissociative" is in the name;
and as such, i and many other people w DID experience kind of extreme levels of dissociation sometimes,

dissociation can be best described as a 'feeling of disconnect', as the name "dissociative identity";
this obviously happens with our identity alot, i mean alters are kind of just that,
.. being so disconnected that you basically become a new person; but we also experience it more generally;

sometimes i feel as though i am not really 'real', sometimes i have a hard time
sometimes i have a hard time keeping myself aware of my surroundings and what
is actually happening in front of me, and i have very bad time perception.

many times i can loose track of what i was doing and or forget what i am meant to be doing-

sometimes this can happen in situations where it really is best it doesn't;
such as being out-and-about and away from home, leaving us unable to find our way back

in general suddenly loosing awareness of your surroundings while outside trying to navigate streets and get things done
can be unsafe or dangerous at worst, and very frustrating and annoying at best.

these sorts of interactions sometimes but do not always have to result in us switching,
sometimes we're just like this, but are still "me", other times its unclear who is who at any given time.

sometimes your a messy blend of everyone ever,

another aspect thats not talked about is the way other alters can influence you even if not expressly fronting,
often referred to in DID spaces as "passive influence", basically the needs or wants of one alter, can impact those of another

there was a time where i felt suddenly really skeptical about someone who had synesthesia,
and their experiences with it, felt really weird, as i typically don't doubt people on their personal experiences like that;
and generally am against doing so-

would not talk about it if i did and would just listen, but more importantly, i was interested;
i wanted to know more, but some other feeling of skepticism and wanting to "call BS" on it, was also present;

this also generally made me feel very uncomfortable, suddenly feeling and and reacting to something,
in a way that isn't really my own; and i suspect this kind of came from another alter,

another example would be that i am only called "Li" because of this weird feeling that another name,
i originally wanted to use and go for, was "already taken", in a sense, and so i shouldn't use it.